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Lyrics
Album formerly known as full length EP
NO MORE
I'm crazy I'm out of my mind
I said I'm crazy and you're out of time
Oh yes, so crazy, so sick of your kind
I said I'm crazy baby, and you're out of line
Every time you look at me
I realize what you can't see
Then I know I was right all the time
Up and down, Side to side
I racked my brain, lost my stride
Always said I'd crack down the line
So just leave me, leave me alone
My head is finally straight, so I can see where
I'm going
Take your silly problems back to someone new
It's plain as night and day I'm not the one for
you.
JACK LA LANNE
Blame it on La Lanne
When something goes wrong
That sweatsuited scapegoat
For the exercising bomb
Put the blame on Jack La Lanne
He's our man
My lawn turned yellow
My goldfish died
I squirted some Ben-Gay
Right in my eye
He's the fucking cause
That sweatsuited scapegoat
With the atomic sock
When he exercises me
I know he doesn't shower
When I see him beatin' meat
He makes me want to shower.
WHERE WAS I?
Well, country's in the red
Soon we'll be dead
No life, not even a flower
Cause atomic power
Scares the shit out of you
There's nothing you can do
Undecided men
Bout a war you can't win
Hey, who would want to win the damn thing anyway,
right boys?
Children turn green
The flowers die
All the people are gone except I
The atom bombs have exploded near
Where was I if I wasn't here?
Atomic was one way out
Nuclear was the final bout
Atomic war can destroy our race
Leave the Earth in all but waste
But, where was I
When the trouble started?
Where was I when the two sides parted?
Where was I if I wasn't here?
Cause the atom bombs have exploded near
But nothing's happened to me so...
OLD GLORY
American flag waving high
Protecting it I want to die
I don't know about you man
But I'd rather die
Than live under communist rules
Let 'em go ahead and try
American flag, red, white and blue
Our government doesn't tell us what to do
If you don't like living here
Go somewhere else and stay a year
You'll be glad for what you've got
Or go to the mid-east and get shot
American flag, makes me proud
Fucking commies
I'll yell it loud
Try and take away the freedom that I have
You'll be lying dead
With a broken gun in hand.
I'M PUNK
I'm a chick with no tits I'm a mess
Always been so fond of you do you like the way
I dress?
Look like hell all 7 days
Got no tits that's why I say
My parents are so rich
That's why I'm such a bitch
Boy's underwear makes me feel like I'm punk
Sixteen years I've had two beers of life
Sixteen years I've had two beers and I know I'm
out of line
See you at the gig I'll be pickin' my ass and
nose
Pick, pick, pick, make everyone sick, see my
attitude sure shows.
MR. BBQ
Hey now, welcome to my house
I'm gonna' have a BBQ and maybe I'll invite ya'
Gotta side of pork
Gotta' side of creamy salad
Got a jar of cole slaw and a case of lighter
fluid
Oh my god!
My arm's on fire!
Somebody pass the dressing!
Everybody remain calm
I'm a professional
Quickly submerge the arm in mayonnaise
Says Mr. BBQ
Hey, thanks a lot doc my arm's feeling great
Oh, by the way, could you pass the mouth watering
pork rinds?
O.K. I think it's about time for everybody's
favorite pigs feet eating contest
Ready? Go!!!
Well, it looks like it's last years champion
Mrs. Brown
She's in the lead
No, wait, it's Mr. Brown
Mrs. Brown, she's choking!!!
Weenies man
Chicken fried pork steaks
Skinless boneless chicken breasts
Mr. BBQ.
Mrs. Brown is fine
Now it's time to dine
Grab yourself a plate the pork is really great
You know, you never can be too careful with those
under cooked pork chops
You could get some disease
Or worse yet, you could get struck by lightning
Or drown in a kiddie pool
So don't be a fool, be sure to take all the necessary
precautions when having a BBQ
Weenies man
Chicken...
BRUCE LEE VS. THE KISS ARMY
So, you think you're kung fu's pretty good, eh?
I want to fight your brother
Him, against me
Let's kung fu!!
The smoke is clearing you can see
Peter and Paul Stanley
Kareem and Bruce they've made a truce
While Ace and Gene took PCP
A flying kick right through the air
His foot got stuck in Peter's hair
Ace and Gene took on Kareem
But slipped and fell in afro sheen
Then Bruce yelled out "Oh Boy"
I think he meant "La Choy"
Kareem and Bruce don't miss when throwing stars
at KISS
Gene now has a shorter tongue
They should have used their love gun
Gene and Ace escaped today
They'll live to fight another day
Oh, oh my god
Ancient Chinese secret sent by Buddha
Blah...
Bruce and Kareem out shooting baskets for two
points.
CHICKEN BOX
Hey blood come around
Come check out my part of town
I want to see you there tonight
But in my neighborhood
You know the chicken's good
I want to see the black men fight
And now the time is here
Cold chicken, chitlens, beer
I want to see you there tonight
And now they come around
These soul food stands in town
Malt liquor seems to taste so right
To the chicken stand we go
We're eating lots of greasy food.
CARP
Time: it's always there but not on my side
Time: it ticks and ticks as my life passes
Time: it's time to go to work and go to school
I see a fucking problem here
Get up get dressed my friends it's time to go
to work
Fuck that, ha ha
I think I'll stay in bed instead
Work: Oh boy it's fun to sweat
Work: Is it fucking lunch time yet?
Work: I'm sorry boss my car won't start
I see a fucking problem here.
TOILET
Now the time is here
Toilet talk is what is near
In an outhouse outside my pad
My sense of smell makes me see red
My dog takes a drink
From the toilet which makes us think
Toilet!!
Pizza dinner I went out
20 beers scream and shout
Now the moment of truth comes in
I'll fill that dog from the other end
I hope that someday I will find
A giant toilet of this kind
It's drained with tile and coping and
Free alva decks for my whole band
Skate this thing till the break of dawn
While Corky and Tyler pack my bong
What's the deal you say it's gay
While chicks and jocks they think it's lame.
OATS
Welcome to my breakfast table this is what you'll
find
A different kind of breakfast food that leaves
the real ones far behind
What's the fucking deal, all these brand names
all around
They raise the prices, raise my rent, but do
not make a sound
Now I'm getting older these changes in my life
It's the Quaker man he's the one I give my hand
He's the one who picks my wife for me
I think that he is God
You know it's true
He's the one who picks my wife for me
Jesus Christ, Holy shit, now what's the fucking
deal?
How the Hell should I go on if there's no more
sex appeal
I give you flakes
I give you puffs of corn right off the shelf
I know you never thought of that
I know you never thought of it
Stand in line for oats today.
1, 2, 3 ... SLAM!!!
Okay, here's the story about my mom and dad
One was white
One was black
I bet you think you're glad
I'm a half breed, my skin is fair yet tan
I don't know what the hell I'm on
So 1, 2...1, 2, 3 SLAM!!!
Kinky hair when I wake up
Straight when I go to bed
My dad speaks jive talk to me, don't know what
he just said
My mother she's a honkey
My dad's Kentucky fried
I don't know what the hell I'm on
So 1, 2...1, 2, 3 SLAM!!!
Back at home it's black eyed peas with a pot
roast on the side
It's hot dogs on Friday nights
The chicken's country fried
My dad says "Yo boy pass the peas!"
My mom says pass the squash
I need something to ease the pain
So I'll go downtown and get some downers
Whoa, man, I'm a little bit slow
But I've got to get up somehow
Got no money
Just a good idea
Let me tell you how
I'll steal my parents credit cards
Oh yes I'll rip them off
I'll go downtown to where dad works
And get myself some cocaine
Now I'm high, and I'm not shy
I'll get it off my chest
My mom is white, she thinks she's right
She thinks that she's the best
My dad is just a negro, he's not one to play
golf
I don't know what the hell I am
So 1, 2...1, 2, 3 SLAM!!!
I USED TO BE 20
(??)
REGGAE MAN
( not like you cant hear them yourself =P )
JUST A FUCK
Most girls I know are so lame
Red hot bods
They're all the same
Nothing in between the ears
Just lots of space
Six cans of beer to fuck
See you later
Thanks again
Maybe we can just be friends
All that space inside your head
Makes me want to go to bed and fuck
The love I have for her is real
$2.99 the six pack deal
See her with another guy
It makes me laugh
She thinks I cried
Girls in bars they make me sick
But I don't care if the suck my dick
Spend six bucks on dollar night
A prostitute for just one night to fuck
HYPOCRITE
See you at church and I see you at school
Say that you live by the golden rule
But, look again, it's all a lie
You're a hypocrite, and I don't know why
You're a hypocrite and I don't know why
Your life's filled with distortions and lies
See you at a party, don't know what to say
When I catch you in a lie, you just turn your
head away
But take a look around, you've got none to fool
Because none of us live by mother's golden rule
Take a look around, not a fucking sound
I stare at you
So what you gonna' do?
You live a life of lies
The truth to you is no surprise
You say it's on the way
Now you fucking pay.
MARCO POLO
Marco........POLO!!!
Fish out of water!
UNDER MY SKIN
You're under my skin like needled and pins
You really start to bug me
But there is no end
You're a bad bad drug
Like the one you're hooked on
Trying to addict me but something's' gone wrong
You're under my skin like needles and pins
You're a pea brained monkey that shouldn't have
a name
You want to be a psycho
Want to cause some pain
What do you want me
Cause I don't want you
Why do you hang around when you know that I don't
like you?
You're under my skin like needles and pins
Through my skin
In my veins
From my arm
Into my brain
You cause me nightmares
But cause no pain
It's only because I know your game.
GAS OUT
go to the store, but a pack
there's 12 tortillas neatly stacked
next thing you know, grab some beans
Stuff that shit right down your jeans
We run, we hide
Your diet's refried
Gas out...Next thing you know
Sorry mom, I think I'll go and drop the bomb
It's in the face, and that's too bad
Rosaritas all they had
We run, we hide
The beans inside
Gas out.
NO SUCH THING
Wrap your legs around me baby
I'll fill you with my love
I'll be pullin' out my power pole girlie
And show you what it does
Most girls are afraid of me
But once you give me a chance
I sure like what you're showing
Now let's rock and roll baby
Cause there's no such thing as love
Get busy rocking baby
Get busy rolling
Show what you got inside
Get busy rocking
Get busy rolling
I know what you've got inside, yeah
No such thing
There's no such thing as love.
MALTED VOMIT
(fuck if i know..)
GHOST
Digging graves in my living room
Red roses in full bloom
A hanging lamp floats down the hall
I believe in ghosts
Though ghosts I never see
Ghosts are in my house
They're making fun of me
I can't wake up
From this nightmare
Slamming doors when I try to sleep
See me scared the more they reap
Breaking out of closets in my halls.
Friendly People
End on 9
Sometimes I let things get me down
People tell me that I've got no future
Not this time, I'm gonna prove them wrong
I'm gonna screw them all and beat the system
distinguish myself
From the rest of the flock
With my huge blue mohawk
I choose not to follow the norm
I'm as capable and more qualified than most
People, you've gotta face the fact
Realize that we can make a difference
Ignorance, the plague is everywhere
You know you gotta care about your freedoms
Single handedly
I will wage my war on a personal level
Everyday I will attack the establishment
Fishing without a license
And I will drink wine befoe it's time
Everything will be okay
Sit at home and watch television
Don't think anymore
No time for self expression
Keep me in the closet man, in the dark
Be a number, not a human
Number 201 report for duty, sir
This time...I'm gonna prove them wrong
This time...I'll show them that I'm strong
This time...I'll fight until the end
This time...just you and I my friend
This time...
Derek
Can't you see
That I'm not straight edge
You can tell
By the look in my eye
I hear that shit you preach
It's so far out of reach
You meaningless X's
Don't cry
It's done man
Yes, it's done man
Yes, it's done
We know your scene is gone
Yes it's gone, it's gone
Train of thought that you'll outgrow
It's only a matter of time
I'm old enough to think
So I'm old enough to drink
I won't ebb with your tide
Hide behind your X's, that is fine
But keep it to yourself
Don't you get it, admit it
This phase is for the under twenty one
Jamie's Petting Zoo
I've had my pet
Since I was nine years old
I loved him and fed him
But one day he attacked
I knew he didn't love me back
So I grabbed him like a football
And punted fifty yards
Now I hate pets
Take yourself to the vet
Now I hate pets
Dolphins trapped in little nets
Now I hate pets
You little fucking
Screaming shit-bag
I should of let your mother
Eat you, little fucker
So I got a little birdy
And I trained it everyday
He knew 1000 words
But then he flew away
But then I got him back
The fucker wouldn't shut his trap
So I took him to the bathroom
And rubbed his beak in shit
Now I hate pets
Spotted owls in their nests
Now I hate pets
Bagged a deer and made a vest
Now I hate pets
Birds and bees and bears and bison
Pigs and parrots and pandas
I fucking hate them all!!!
I was walking through the park
When a snake peered from his hole
A perfect opportunity
To take the bastard home
I chopped his fucking head off
With my handy garden hoe
And made a lovely hat-band
For my redneck cousin Bo, heee-haaw!
Now I hate pets
10,000 volts to the chest
Now I hate pets
Fed my cat some cigarettes
Now I hate pets
You little fucking
Screaming shit-bag
bastard
Fuck you, you
Fucking pig-shit licker, fuck!!!!!!
Bullshit
Bullshit, bullshit, full of shit
Bullshit, bullshit, full of shit
You can't say ten words
Without telling a lie
You always bullshit
Bullshit gets you high
When it comes to bullshit
You're the best around
Someday bullshit's
Gonna take you down
P.C.
You know, what pisses me off more than anything
is all these people who
aren't exactly politically correct. Like the
other day, I was out walking
my Siberian-American huskies. And you know how
canines are: they like to
sniff everything, including each other's butts.
So some guy walks up and
he says, "Man, Get your dog's ass out of that
other dog's nose!"
So, I replied, "How dare you call them dogs!
They're Siberian-American
huskies. That's like calling an African-American
a Black. Or calling a
Mexican-American a Mexican. Or calling a homosexual
a stupid faggot!" It
pissed me off so much I got a nose ring, died
my hair blue and moved to
San Francisco!
My bus is broken down
My spirit's broken too
My girl's by my side
So I don't feel so blue
Thirty miles more
To make it to the city
Where junk is king
And the air smells shitty
What a friendly town
It really suits us well
It took some getting used to
That fucking hippy smell
Everyone corrects me
Every time I speak
I'm sick and fucking tired
Of feeling like a stupid L.A. geek
I like it
I like it
I like it
I like it, yes I do
I say it's not an issue
It doesn't shed much light
On a global scale
It isn't worth the fight
The tongue that girl speaks
Is forked to you and me
That bitch has got a problem
I think it's called P.C.
Disneyland
Get pissed, you suck
I know your kind
I know the system
I know it's not so fine
I know the bees, I know the rains
I know that logging can kill
Oh, well, let's just go on Dumbo
Profound, that's what I found
Profound, oh to the ground
Profound, that's what I found
Why must we chop it to the ground
My God, it's done, but I can cope
How about those Dodgers
No time to sit around and mope
Clear out those trees
Let's make some cash
Pack up the animals
And ship them to the zoo
We'll have a blast
You know what I'd do
I think it would be so grand
We'll chop down the rain forest
And build another Disneyland
Who gives a hoot
About the lungs of the earth
I don't, so who cares
Scew it, man, for what it's worth
I knew the bees, I knew the rains
I knew the system would chop this place
And then they would make me pay
I knew the snakes, I knew tree frogs
If I knew admission was thirty bucks
I'd of brought Discover Card
Can't We All Just Get Along?
(At the Dinner Table)
Welcome everybody to my table
Don't be shy, man, grab a seat
C'mon, it's time to eat, dig in
Frejoles de T.J., sushi from Japan
Weenies from America
Don't forget canned ham
Monkey brains from India
???? from France
Pizzas from Chicago
Korea, dog, many cat
All we want is, all we need is
All we want is, all we need is
All we want is one more beer
To teach the world
To sing in harmony
Eating can resolve
This racial tension
Get yourself a side of beef
Electric knife, and 50' of cord
Flies from Ethiopia
Sangria de Espana
Crumpets from England
Sand from Iran
Bratwurst von Deutchland
Meatballs from Sweden
Mongolian BBQ
Bacon from Canada, eh...
The next time you're about to shout a racial
slur, stop, and think about
all the wonderful dishes that come from his or
her country, and channel
your energies into enjoying your next international
delight!
Veggicide
Something's up
Something's on my mind
I try to go to sleep
I try to pass the time
What gives you the right
To kill a harmless carrot
Growing in God's sunlight
You say they're best
You say they're best for you
I say it's not true
You say they make
A damn good stew
So it's time
It's time to liberate
Don't eat a carrot
Spare it
And don't eat the beet
On your plate
All my friends say
Veggies feel no pain
All my friends say
Veggies have no brains
All my friends say
Veggies feel no pain
Don't stir fry by me!
Chaps My Hide
A wet suit rash, tight pants re-hash
Oh, I forgot to wipe
It's warm outside, a pony ride
A drive across the country side
A side of flan, a marathon
The pork's a little rare
Blueberry tarts, then come wet farts
The chaffing in my dairy air
Bull leg strut, monkey butt
Bull leg strut, monkey butt
You know what chaps my hide
Riding bikes when it's hot outside
Isn't that fucked
I sure feel like a schmuck
When people scream look at him
Monkey butt has set in
A rash around my pecker
My balls and butt
What's Gone Wrong
What the hell is going on
We never get to play
Are we too drunk
Are they too drunk
It's just the scene today
The owner of your club
Would like to hear it
Nice and slow
But we'll sit here
And drink your beer
And spill it on your floor
We don't play rock & roll
We try to play some metal for you
To bang each other's heads
But when it comes to my stuff
Why don't you tell me, man
What's gone wrong...
Your Late
Oh my God, what time is it?
I'm late again, this sucks
Where's my other shoe? FUCK!
I need a drink-god damn!
Did I get gas last night?
Oh, well, roll the dice
Ha-ha, I gotta to to Vegas soon
I really miss those wonderful casinos
And friendly people
Fuck, I hate those people
In the carpool lane
We carpool, oooo, go fuck yourself
I'm probably fired already, shit
Oh, well
Only nine more hours
Till dollar drafts
And free meatballs
You're late
Asshole
I don't like the things you like
And you don't like the things I like
She don't like the things they like
So who the fuck is really right
See a skinhead at a show
Let him know he's got to go
Fuck white power, the KKK
A-S-S-H-O-L-E!
Everyone's an asshole
My mom's an asshole
You're a fucking asshole
And I'm a goddamn asshole
Mom and dad, the Grateful Dead
Major labels and straight edge
Coors and school and roller blades
God, Rick James and Oakley shades
Fishing, Wayne, silly jocks
Nazis, midgets, new tube socks
L.D. from M.R.&R.
And fucking Zeppelin Man
Hippies, harleys, Pearl Jam
Chili peppers, case of Spam
Riot grrls, Ponch and Jon
Squash and pork and carmel flan
We hate these things
We hate you, too
Go fuck a monkey in the zoo
Oscar Meyer has a way with
B.O.L.O.G.N.A.
Musical Monkey
Whats the Big Deal?
its a 3 day weekend
im loading up my truck
got tons of beer
might shoot a deer
blow the shit out of a duck
steve's got a crossbow
jamie a shotgun
anything that fuckin moves
ready aim fire BLAM!
oh my god i cant believe
the antlers on that buck
it would take 40 men
to load him in the truck
nice shot
got that sucker right between the eyes
lets get a cold one don
love seats made from hides
stock your smoke house full of meat
pink and blue and yellow keychains
made from rabbits feet
trade your jerky to the indians
enjoy a coon skin hat
whip up some homemade criscos
with the extra fat
im wishin
a flock of geese would fly on by
im hopin i can bag not 4 but 5 reloadin
jesus fuckin christ
thats the biggest moose i've ever seen
get my gun goddamnit get him!
if i cant shoot them
ill start a forest fire
watch em run
right at my gun
no need for oscar meyer
thats a fine lookin piece of meat young man
im ready for that one there
yeh that ones for me
trophies on your wall
slap some new boots on your feet
the wallet in my pocket
kinda smells like meat
a half a dozen quail
a hearty rack of lamb
there must be 50 beavers
in that fuckin dam
Lucky the Donkey
my mother fucked a donkey
down in mexico
she had trienta margaritas
trienta years ago
her purse had just been stolen
she had to make some cash
for 50,000 pesos
the donkey fucked her ass
im so ashamed it made me sick
my mother's box was his salt lick
human donkey fornication
her taco is the destination
it soon became apparent
it wasnt for the dough
a genuine fiesta - at the donkey show
the crowd would shout ole
as she nibbled on his sack
they never had a patron
demand their money back
the donkeys name was lucky
oh boy he loved to fuck
he'd get so damn excited
he'd kick and make you duck
if you want to be a star
its easy to be famous
just pull down your pants
and let lucky fuck your anus
a real freak show in the pit
the donkey's fuckin my moms tits
acting like a true ranchero
dancing around a big sombrero
lucky the luckiest donkey
Big Pink Dress
howdy folks its me again
got a message to convey
im so confused whats to lose
I think I might turn gay
on the day my bitch left
she said "stick in your rear"
she never thought she'd hear these words
"ooh your mustache is so tickly down there"
(drill my ass)
oh god its tight
(drill my ass)
this is my first time
(drill my ass)
love you - love you too
live with bill its such a thrill
we get it on so fine
we tend our garden everyday
sometimes we 69
play dress up have puppet shows
we skip and dance and sing
he's so helpful shaves my back
mark its my turn to wear the cowboy hat
(its so hard)
still in progress, check back later for rest
of lyrics
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